Converting Self-Talk To Self-Chat

It’s been a while since I mentioned the F.I.T. Score which was created for estimating the measure of one’s Spiritual Quotient (SiQ). Using this score, you can define how high you are on that level. A high F.I.T. score means you can take life head-on and learn the necessary lessons without allowing their intensity to affect you. But do you have a high F.I.T. score?

Let’s find out…

F.I.T. is an abbreviation for:

· F – Frequency: The rate of doing something actively over and over again.

· I – Intensity: The force applied to do that particular activity, mostly emotion-related.

· T – Tenacity: The persistence and determination to overcome obstacles or self-sabotage.

So, Frequency, Intensity, and Tenacity are the variable factors that you must manage to improve your SiQ.

For instance, let’s say, a person is habituated to engage in negative self-talk. He or she has recognized this habit and wants to change it. By applying the F.I.T. factors, they can gradually overcome this self-sabotage obstacle. However, to do so, they must mindfully commit to that switchboard within themselves.

So, this is how their F.I.T. factors will look when they are trying to identify how far gone they are into negative self-talk:

Low SiQ of a person in the habit of negative self-talk:

· F – Frequency: Engaging in negative self-talk several times throughout the day, at home and work.

· I – Intensity: Allowing the power of that negative self-talk to overtake one’s mood and display the same energy externally.

· T – Tenacity: Persistently permitting negative self-talk to take over one’s mindset.

A person working on releasing the habit of negative self-talk:

· F – Frequency: Reducing the number of times he or she engages in negative self-talk.

· I – Intensity: Not allowing negative self-talk to define the course of one’s mood and energy throughout the day.

· T – Tenacity: Delaying the need to repeatedly engage in negative self-talk.

One often has to keep working on themselves to ensure they do not slip into the web of negative self-talk. As you can see, the above table shows us the before and after situations of a mismanaged and managed F.I.T. score, respectively. You can notice a difference in the way you may deal with varying circumstances. On one end, you may be tempted to talk back at yourself, like you were your own worst enemy. On the other end, you can consciously choose to be your own best friend.

“The mind is not a vessel to be filled but a fire to be kindled.”

~Plutarch

If you underestimate the way your mind listens to you, think again. You are the master of your mind and so whatever you say to yourself, it will absorb like how a child listens to a parent.

Who is thy one true friend?

Wentworth Earl Miller III is an American actor who rose to prominence in a series called Prison Break. In an interview at Oxford Union, he was asked, by a guest in the audience, about his journey while overcoming depression. Taking a few lines from his response, this is what he said.

Wentworth: “I realize that when I am in crisis. When I have “effed-up!”, my response is ‘you effing idiot. How could you? Of course, what did you expect?’ If I spoke to my friends like I used to speak to myself, I would have no friends. So, what I started to pay attention to was how I spoke to myself out loud and in my head.

And in your head is a much more difficult conversation but you can judge and control the words that come out of your mouth, so if you do talk to yourself out loud, make sure that the words are loving, supportive, and nourishing. Start the work of being your own best friend.”

Wentworth said something very important in his response, and that was to be one’s own best friend. He rightly pointed out that we are typically more supportive of our friends when they are in crisis. We are less friendly with ourselves and rather prefer to give a more fiend-like treatment to ourselves.

Although, the word ‘fiend’ has two meanings to it. It can either mean being enthusiastic and devoted to a particular thing or being more malevolent by nature. I would combine the two and say that many times, we are more enthusiastic about being malevolent with ourselves, especially when we engage in negative self-talk. So, how do we convert our fiend-like self-talks to friendlier self-chats? We do some ground-setting.

Activating the Ground-setting mode

A couple recently approached me, deeply embroiled in conflict. They sought my guidance in navigating this challenging situation. Initially, they sat opposite each other in my office, radiating tension. Their gazes were daggers, each convinced the other was the root of the problem.

This presented a significant obstacle. Conflict resolution is impossible when minds are locked in a battle for blame. I gently intervened, requesting the husband to move beside his wife. This simple act shifted the dynamic profoundly. Their focus shifted from each other to the space between them, the shared problem. The hostility dissipated almost instantly.

This unexpected outcome underscored the importance of ‘ground-setting’ – creating a conducive environment for resolution. In this instance, it required no words from me. The couple, by altering their physical positioning, had inadvertently set the stage for healing.

“Self-transcendence begins with internal ground-setting.”

~Krescon Coaches

Therefore, ground-setting is a way to first create the right atmosphere for yourself; the right environment in your head. For instance, you cannot host a kid’s birthday party within prison walls with dangerous convicts. Likewise, you cannot promote positive self-chat without first creating a favorable space within your mind. At Krescon Coaches, we can guide you with just a few strategic steps to help you transform.

In a world rife with negativity, both internal and external, we must cultivate inner peace. Let us commit to compassionate self-chat, replacing negativity with positivity. By nurturing our inner landscape, we elevate our spiritual quotient and foster a more harmonious existence.

This way, you can improve your F.I.T. score, and enhance your SiQ. While there are several other steps involved, self-chat is one of the first commitments you need to make.

It is as Aristotle once said: “A man is his own best friend; therefore, he ought to love himself best.”