Dealing With The Jump Scares Of Failure

Ever watched a horror movie, gripping the edge of your seat, heart pounding as the suspense builds? Those jump scares, those sudden, jarring moments of fear, they’re remarkably similar to how we experience the fear of failure.

Our minds conjure up these terrifying scenarios, these “what ifs” that lurk in the shadows of our ambition, and we flinch, we recoil, we freeze. But just like the horror movie isn’t real, often, neither are the catastrophic outcomes we envision. Here, we explore how to confront those inner demons, dissect the anatomy of fear, and ultimately, find freedom in the face of perceived failure.

Failure or Fail “Here”?

When one experiences failure, remember that it’s an isolated event. It happened in a particular situation due to foreseen and out-of-your-hand circumstances. For instance, a business that shuts down within two years is looked upon as a failure.

So, what this means is that one may have experienced failure but it’s exactly what it means – they failed “here”, and not at every point in their lives.

Right?

Think about it… you fail “here”, in the ‘now’, at the moment, and at the end of the efforts and hard work that you invested. What do most people do when they fail? Especially the ones with a low Spiritual Quotient (SiQ); they cave into themselves. They allow a failed event to define them as individuals. This means that they allow even success to define them. Is doing either of the two things the right way? Can you let success or failure define you?

You can stop reading any further and just ponder upon these questions:

· Does failure or success define you?

· If they do define you then are you in charge or are you the victim of your circumstances?

· If none of them define you then should you let either of them drive your emotions and decisions?

· If you are not defined by them then what defines you?

· Lastly, if you are not defined by them then how does your perception of life change?

Failure Defined

Failure does not define who you are. It just defines that situation for what it is – a roadblock. Yes, many crucial components may be riding upon your success but the failed outcome is not a decision that says you can never achieve what you set out to do. This is especially true for leaders.

The weight of leadership, the burden of entrepreneurship – it’s a tightrope walk between ambition and anxiety. We strive, we build, and we pour our hearts and souls into our ventures, but beneath the surface, a quiet tremor often persists: the fear of failure. It’s a universal human experience, a shadow that lurks in the corners of our minds, whispering doubts and painting vivid pictures of worst-case scenarios. And in the high-stakes world of business, where external pressures collide with internal insecurities, this fear can become deafening.

“The reason for fear is due to the ignorance of one’s reality.”

~Krescon Coaches

The cold sweat of “what if?”

It’s a lonely place, standing at the precipice of a decision, knowing that one wrong step could send everything crashing down. We fear disappointing investors, letting down our teams, and, perhaps most painfully, proving our own perceived inadequacies. We fear the judgment, the whispers, the feeling of having fallen short. But what if, instead of succumbing to this fear, we could understand it, dissect it, and ultimately, transcend it?

What is the locus point of fear? The truth is, that fear is often rooted in the unknown. It thrives in the shadows of our self-doubt. We build it up in our minds, a monster under the bed of our entrepreneurial dreams. But like any monster, its power diminishes when exposed to the light. The key is to understand the anatomy of fear, to dissect it piece by piece, and to see it for what it truly is: an illusion, a story we tell ourselves.

We often think we’ve not done enough but Morgan Housel points out an interesting concept in his book, The Psychology of Money:

“Luck and risk both are the reality that every outcome in life is guided by forces other than individual effort. They are so similar that you can’t believe in one without equally respecting the other. They both happen because the world is too complex to allow 100% of your actions to dictate 100% of your outcomes.

For every Bill Gates, there is Kent Evans who was just as skilled and driven but ended up on the other side of life roulette.”

In his book, Morgan is trying to tell us that not everything is dependent on one’s efforts. There are several external factors that we cannot control but only those of the mind. Therefore, allowing fear to drive one’s emotions, decisions, perceptions, and actions, does not dissolve the problem.

A framework to confront fear

I’ve found a powerful framework for confronting fear, a sort of roadmap to navigate its treacherous terrain. It’s an acronym, a simple word that holds within it the key to liberation: FAILURE. Ironically, by facing the word itself, we can begin to dismantle the very fear it represents.

· F – is for Fear itself. Acknowledge its presence. Don’t try to push it away or pretend it doesn’t exist. Instead, turn towards it, look it in the eye.

· A – is for Acknowledge. This is where the real work begins. Once you’ve acknowledged the fear, you can begin to introspect.

· I – is for Introspect. Dive deep into the source of your fear. Where does it reside? What triggers it? What stories are you telling yourself?

· L – is for Learn. Educate yourself about your fear. Understand its patterns, its triggers, and its roots.

· U – is for Understanding. Go beyond simply knowing about your fear. Strive to truly understand its nature, its purpose, and its impact on your thoughts and actions.

· R – is for Realise. This is the moment of clarity, the “aha” moment when you see your fear for what it is: a projection, a story, not necessarily the reality.

· E – is for Evolute. This is the final step, the transformation. Having faced your fear, understood it, and realized its true nature, you are now free to evolve beyond it.

This process is not a one-time fix. It’s a journey, a continuous unfolding. Just like my experience with virtual reality, where the initial fear dissolved upon realizing it wasn’t real, so too can we dissolve the fear of failure by understanding its illusory nature. It’s the same with a horror movie; the fear dissipates when we remember it’s just a film.

The fear of failure is ultimately a fear of the future, a fear of the unknown. But we are not fortune tellers. We cannot predict the future. Instead of dwelling on what might happen, we must focus on what we can control: our present actions, and our internal landscape.

By cultivating our inner strength, by enhancing our “Spiritual Quotient” – that deep sense of self-awareness and connection – we can begin to dissolve the fear that holds us back.

Is failure the problem?

It’s not about avoiding failure. It’s about understanding that failure is not the opposite of success, but a stepping stone towards it. More importantly, failure does not span one’s entire life, it spans a situation.

It’s about recognizing that our true potential lies not in avoiding fear, but in facing it, understanding it, and ultimately, evolving beyond it. It’s about realizing that true freedom lies not in the absence of fear, but in the courage to move forward despite it. And that, my friends, is where the real ROI of Time, Energy, and Investment lies: in the liberation of the human spirit.

Failure is the outcome of your input. It is the effort you put in along with the external factors over which you have no control. Therefore, failure is not the issue. Remember that it is not failure that is one’s problem, it is the fear of it. If you invested in a stock in the share market that has always promised high returns but this time it didn’t. You suffered a loss. Does that mean you failed at that point? It’s a roadblock but one may look at it from a point of failure, regret, and resentment. But is it your fault? Did you have any control over the market? No, then why consider failure as the issue and why allow fear to drive it?

I will leave you with this question, convinced that deep reflection in a quiet place will give you the direction you need.

“The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.”

~Franklin D. Roosevelt