I once read a random comment on X, it said, I feel so much better when no one knows where I am and what I’m doing. People responded to the comment with responses like ‘thank you’ and ‘exactly’. Many people agreed with the comment and resonated with it. Not many people like being disturbed and even if they are, it is typically by someone they don’t want to deal with or meet.

Situations not under our control

Many people have come up to me and shared their experiences. Recently, a friend reached out and shared her experience with her toxic manager. She told me that he ridiculed her during meetings and even in one-on-one meetings on Zoom. He would express how he felt about her work and how he truly thought that she was not capable of the work she executed under his leadership.

Another time she remembers is when she had complained about her boss to HR and it took them months before they could take any action. She was also not given a proper leave when her father passed away, so she had less time to grieve. All in all, her job was a place where she worked just for the pay as it was no longer about pursuing her passion as a professional.

Like my friend, several other young professionals as well as leaders face situations where they think they have no control. Whether or not it is a situation that needs controlling, these people have one thing in common. Instead of setting out of the realization of reality, they settled with it.

“I don’t care now. I just do my work and expect him to tell me it’s not done well even though I did exactly as he said. Because there’s just no point. No matter what I say or do or amend, he has the same broken record of repeated accusations that I am not good enough in what I do. So, I have given up and am looking for another job.”

My friend went into survival mode. She rationalized her situation, tagging it with helplessness. Now, all she knows is that she has to get through the day feeling terrible about herself until she lands another job.

Realization of Reality vs Rationalization of Situations

A little boy once saw his parents arguing. One night, he heard louder noises of his parents screaming at each other. It was so loud that he had to cover his ears. So, every morning, he would have his breakfast quietly and go to school. He grew up introverted and as a silent child. He thought that if he obeyed his parents and was quiet most of the time there would be peace at home.

This act was his misguided sense of rationalizing the situation between his parents. Although it wasn’t his fault, somehow he made it his responsibility. The boy barely felt what it was like to live freely. Instead, he adjusted and compromised his life upon the hinges of obedience to the convenience of others. He wanted to make sure that everyone around was comforted and that put him at ease. Soon, when the boy grew up, he would consistently meet a psychologist to help deal with his deep-rooted depression.

When we settle with discomfort for the sake of others and our mere survival, we are doing an injustice unto ourselves. Due to a low Spiritual Quotient, or lack thereof, we are allowing other people to decide how we want to live. Certainly, that is not the solution. Therefore, realization is required and not rationalization. We must use just our minds to compromise in life. We must work toward realizing the real situation and its reality and then act accordingly. We must try and understand why we do things a certain way and whether it is the actual reason that’s getting us into trouble.

I will leave you with this profound realization – 

“There is no passion to be found in settling for a life that is less than the one you are capable of living.”

~Nelson Mandela