You’ve probably heard several times that suffering is a part of life. We would all agree with this doctrine or philosophy. We have also gone further and conditioned ourselves to believe that suffering and struggle build a person’s character or that we become better human beings after experiencing some of the worst things in life. My question is – is this true for everyone?
“It is here that we encounter the central theme of existentialism: to live is to suffer, to survive is to find meaning in the suffering.”
~Victor Frankl
To survive is to find the meaning in suffering. Why does one suffer? But more importantly, how does one treat their experience of suffering?
We could go on about the nagging question of ‘Why should I go through this or why am I suffering like this?’ While this is not a question to be neglected, the more pressing question is – what must one do during and after suffering?
Some movies these days even show the human side of the villain. Their backstory helps the audience understand the steps that the villain takes in their present times. For instance, a little boy was playing in a field at a distance from his home. On a sunny afternoon, he watches his little sister play with his father and mother on their front lawn.
A poor family that is content with what little they have and doing everything to live happily. Suddenly, the boy notices a plane flying overhead and dropping something close to the house where several other houses are located. A moment later, all ten rows of the house blew up into flames.
The little boy cries and screams as he sees from afar his home and family destroyed within a few seconds. Everything is gone. The plane was a fighter plane sent by another country. The boy grows up as an orphan struggling every day to find food to eat and clothes to wear. People from other societies make him work tirelessly to earn just a few pennies.
Years later, the villain sits in a dingy room with a monitor and computer screen. He has control of five missiles that are going to reach the enemy country where hundreds of homes are about to be destroyed. With the help of drones, he is able to see the families and their children living happily and without any fear. He remembers his childhood of how the same country destroyed his family and other homes. All he has to do is press the button and he gets his revenge.
What was the little boy’s fault and why did he have to suffer so much? A question with answers that cannot be resolved with just a line. The little boy could have continued working in his life, suffering and then finding a way to live a dignified life as he grew up. It was not impossible but when the mind and heart are filled with the pain of the past there is no guidance of the right path, one is likely to come out villainous on the other side of suffering.
Suffering is a three-edged sword. We either grow out of it, mentally; act bitterly because of it; or become a bit of both. The past of our lives has everything in it – joy, sorrow, laughter, pain, trauma, wealth, poverty, and so on. We have to grow through most of it but how we use the most powerful experience of suffering will depend on our Spiritual Quotient (SiQ).
When we enhance our SiQ, we are also bringing ourselves to the point of the Ground of Neutrality. Only when one is physically and mentally present in the neutral mode can one think from a neutral perspective.
But when your SiQ is low, you cannot think or feel objectively about the suffering that has caused you so much pain. As a consequence, you are more likely to make decisions based on emotional thinking, sadness, and anger.
“No decision born out of anger or regret ever treads in the right direction.”
~Krescon Coaches
Therefore, if one must think that suffering is a part of life, remember that your response to it plays a crucial part. Use the WINNER approach alongside re-training your mind whenever you have to make a decision. Give yourself enough time to put aside the pain and the sorrow that may lead you to make regrettable decisions.
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